About Me

Consider me Clarity Anne Mayhew. Yes, it’s clearly an alias; cope.

When I was eleven, a (fiction! educational!) book in my school library’s paltry technology section warned me against giving out my “real” name online. I’m sure most of us got similar warnings. On social media nowadays, most of us ignore that advice, but I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a mistake. Hence, an alias.

People nowadays seem to see aliases or anonymity as suspicious. They do, after all, help to shore up the shimmering force field that (sometimes) divides “IRL” from “online,” and many find that worrisome. Me? I don't care. I will indulge in anonymity and aliases for the exact same reasons that book told me to back in middle school. It's a safety consideration first and foremost. It's also a matter of allowing oneself freedom to express and experiment.

I’m, quite unfortunately, an elder millennial, experiencing the usual backaches and disillusionment with the American dream, the seeds of which were planted at a young age. Somewhere between the Y2K apocalyptic panic and 9/11, I gave into existential dread as a default. This isn’t uncommon - you know that; you, if you’re an American especially, and around that age, likely had a similar experience. Maybe your benchmarks were different, but a lot of us just gave in. I remain optimistic about technology, humanity’s future, and all kinds of paths moving forward - but that doesn’t change the messes we've made in the past.

Anyways, I’d ended up running away when I was about eleven. Where did I run away to? America Online, of course. What a strange wonderland of noise and bright colors, full of strangers both delightful and frightening. I joined when AOL used its own native, walled-garden interface and browser. This curated my early experiences and pared down a lot of negativity, I expect. Given the general technological ineptitude the adults in my life displayed at that point, I was a fairly unstoppable child, for better or worse…

Running Away

My daring escape into the internet started with America Online's WYSIWYG website builder in '96. This was a way of making your own site on America Online, of course. In case you never saw that, it was quite a fun experience for an eleven-year-old. It had the ability to add pictures (however small) of dachshunds.

They also made us make geography-themed webpages for a class project in sixth grade, using some kind of WYSIWYG editor known as Claris Home Page. We weren’t allowed to add dachshunds to those.

I started exploring actual coding in ‘99, with a couple silly fansites for my favorite characters from age-inappropriate television shows, of course. Many of these used linkware graphics provided by a (now-vanished) artist (she preferred the term artiste) named Moyra of Moyra.com.

Moyra eventually disappeared. She continued to own that domain, which just had a stylized photo, for a decade or two after closing her linkware site. Her work, Byzantine, full of metaphor, and based on borderless-tables, is a mess by modern standards of course, but her aesthetics, unwillingness to compromise on quality, and sheer drive inspired me for years to come.

I launched a small, goofy blog a couple years later, at age fifteen. This was, ironically, hosted on Geocities, but using Blogger, back when that was actually possible and the former existed. I followed a “how to make a blog” guide written by one of the Digital Divas, a women’s technology group. Like Moyra, they were mostly creators of linkware graphics and other online resources for websites. They once fought Microsoft over their domain name (and won!); it was hard not to look up to them.

On my sixteenth birthday, I received a precious gift: my very first domain name and some hosting space for a year. With sudden access to things like PHP in a stable environment, I shifted to using content management systems. These included Greymatter, MovableType, and eventually WordPress over the next few years, gradually growing apart from the code itself in favor of apps like those.

In The Now

University (I majored in partying) and the rise of social media pulled me away from web development. I didn’t really keep up coding as a hobby. I ended up with an online experience mostly consisting of things like Facebook and YouTube, and watched valiant flame wars burn from afar on Twitter, before it began to reek of Musk.

A lot of the stuff on those sites lately seems to inhibit social interaction and connection rather than foster it, though. I saw more arguments than genuine exchanges, and more falling-outs than friendships. Online communities I’d joined for niche hobbies would regularly explode in discourse on various sites, often spilling offline and affecting people’s lives. It didn’t happen to me, but watching it was grim and tiresome after a while.

Growing increasingly disenchanted with social media and the state of the modern internet, I’m drawn to the indie web and its culture. I have no expectation that the so-called “small web” of today will have more than a superficial cultural resemblance to the past. I already treasure that nostalgia, though I know it’s a complicated, ephemeral, evanescent (hah) thing.

Nowadays, I try to avoid what I call “Golden Age” thinking. I most certainly cannot help but miss the internet as it was, and wonder about what it might’ve been had things played out differently over the past twenty years. This site is an attempt at finding my own way forward in this confusing digital world. It launched on April 20th, 2024 (the date is insignificant, surely!) and has helped me connect with many different people, learn new things, and explore the web in unique ways.

My Other Sites

Currently, I’ve got a couple of larger site projects I’m either working on or planning for the web. A few are designated here only by emoji symbol code names, though they’ve got registered domains already for the most part; cope. In the order which I started them, we have:

• The Aristasian Reminiscence Project (🔞, but not pornographic). Am I that eerie sapphic ex-cult lady on neocities? Sort of! I do have a website that covers some really (and rightfully) controversial, cult-like groups. I’m not part of Aristasia or that group/movement/cult/whatever these days (it no longer exists, too), and haven’t been for over a decade. The site itself is about the movement, not for the movement; hence the term “reminiscence” in the title.
• Redoubtful. I’ve always been interested in fiction, too, like many of us, and decided to try creating a (somewhat) interactive, text-based web series. In it, an older millennial named Avery takes up the peculiar offer of a shady group of mages, and soon finds himself in an existential crisis. He will share his successes and failures online, even seeking advice occasionally. I want to launch around late October of 2024, but you can send me a message on there if you’d like a sneak peek…
• 🐕︎. In 2017, I started writing a manuscript about a certain way of framing identity in spiritual terms. I’d been sitting with it, unsure where it ought be published, for some time. Neocities seems like an ideal environment and opportunity. I wanted to have this online by September of 2024, but got distracted...
• ❤️‍🔥. Spurred by the lack of solid information regarding the history of, and (often needless) controversy caused by certain (postmodern) occult practices, I created a small site archiving and posting my thoughts about them. Was launched in the summer of 2024 as a means of procrastination against working on 🐕︎, despite the topics being of similar tenor.
• 🌞. It’s a secret shrine. It will eventually be made public, I guess, but not anytime soon. A shrine to what, you ask? A better question might be to Whom?

Contacting Me

Yes, you can message me. I’m a real person. Due to my involvement with Aristasia, there’s been some question as to whether I’m real, or a persona of the sort the Aristasians were fond of adopting. The latter isn’t the case - I’m a real person, with no fabricated backstory or any kind of interesting character customization, sadly!

As noted above, Clarity Anne Mayhew is a pen name - this I freely admit, though. I’ll also cop to the fact that I don’t normally sound like this when I talk, write, or chat. Consider this a particular manifestation of me.

I guess it’s a vehicle for self-expression. I don’t trust online people easily (despite spending a lot of time here), and this helps. I’m also not plural or multiple, another thing that’s been suggested, just to let you know.

The neocities, yesterweb, and small web community has been welcoming so far, despite my struggle to trust new spaces online. I’m open to talking to new people about CSS, HTML, and Javascript, especially those who might know more than me.

I have a small Facebook account here, but it largely exists for interacting in groups. I do not use social media much aside from that, and while I do tend to have accounts on most major services under this name, I don’t typically use them unless something untoward happens. I am open to Facebook friends, though.

I’m also almost always looking for new and inviting Discord servers to join for related topics, as well. You can contact me on Discord under the name ClarityAnne, or, of course, using the contact form on this site. My email is clarity (at fabled.day, of course). so you might contact me there, too…