Call me Clarity Anne...
…or, if you fancy, Claire for short. Yes, it’s clearly an alias; cope.
When I was eleven, a (fiction?) book in my school library’s paltry technology section warned me against giving out my “real” name online. I’m sure most of us got similar warnings. On social media nowadays, most of us ignore that advice, but I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a mistake. Hence, an alias. People nowadays seem to see aliases or anonymity as suspicious. They do, after all, help to shore up the shimmering force field that (sometimes) divides “IRL” from “online,” and many find that worrisome. Me? I don't care. I will indulge in anonymity and aliases for the exact same reasons that book told me to back in middle school. It's a safety consideration first and foremost. It's also a matter of allowing oneself freedom to express and experiment.
I’m, quite unfortunately, an elder millennial, experiencing the usual backaches and disillusionment with the American dream, the seeds of which were planted at a young age. Somewhere between the Y2K apocalyptic panic and 9/11, I gave into existential dread as a default. This isn’t uncommon - you know that; you, if you’re an American especially, and around that age, likely had a similar experience. Maybe your benchmarks were different, but a lot of us just gave in. I remain optimistic about technology, humanity’s future, and all kinds of paths moving forward - but that doesn’t change the messes we've made in the past.
Anyways, I’d ended up running away when I was about eleven. Where did I run away to? America Online, of course. What a strange wonderland of noise and bright colors, full of strangers both delightful and frightening. I joined when AOL used its own native, walled-garden interface and browser. This curated my early experiences and pared down a lot of negativity, I expect. Given the general technological ineptitude the adults in my life displayed at that point, I was a fairly unstoppable child, for better or worse…
Running Away
My daring escape into the internet started with America Online's WYSIWYG website builder in '96. This was a way of making your own site on America Online, of course. In case you never saw that, it was quite a fun experience for an eleven-year-old. It had the ability to add pictures (however small) of dachshunds.
They also made us make geography-themed webpages for a class project in sixth grade, using some kind of WYSIWYG editor known as Claris Home Page. We weren’t allowed to add dachshunds to those.
I started exploring actual coding in ‘99, with a couple silly fansites for my favorite characters from age-inappropriate television shows, of course. Many of these used linkware graphics provided by a (now-vanished) artist (she preferred the term artiste) named Moyra of Moyra.com.
Moyra eventually disappeared. She continued to own that domain, which just had a stylized photo, for a decade or two after closing her linkware site. Her work, Byzantine, full of metaphor, and based on borderless-tables, is a mess by modern standards of course, but her aesthetics, unwillingness to compromise on quality, and sheer drive inspired me for years to come.
I launched a small, goofy blog a couple years later, at age fifteen. This was, ironically, hosted on Geocities, but using Blogger, back when that was actually possible and the former existed. I followed a “how to make a blog” guide written by one of the Digital Divas, a women’s technology group. Like Moyra, they were mostly creators of linkware graphics and other online resources for websites. They once fought Microsoft over their domain name (and won!); it was hard not to look up to them.
On my sixteenth birthday, I received a precious gift: my very first domain name and some hosting space for a year. With sudden access to things like PHP in a stable environment, I shifted to using content management systems. These included Greymatter, MovableType, and eventually WordPress over the next few years, gradually growing apart from the code itself in favor of apps like those.
University (I majored in partying) and the rise of social media pulled me away from web development. I didn’t really keep up coding as a hobby. I ended up with an online experience mostly consisting of things like Facebook and YouTube, and watched valiant flame wars burn from afar on Twitter, before it began to reek of Musk.
A lot of the stuff on those sites lately seems to inhibit social interaction and connection rather than foster it, though. I saw more arguments than genuine exchanges, and more falling-outs than friendships. Online communities I’d joined for niche hobbies would regularly explode in discourse on various sites, often spilling offline and affecting people’s lives. It didn’t happen to me, but watching it was grim and tiresome after a while.
Growing increasingly disenchanted with social media and the state of the modern internet, I’m drawn to neocities and its culture. I have no expectation that the so-called “small web” of today will have more than a superficial cultural resemblance to the past. I already treasure that nostalgia, though I know it’s a complicated, ephemeral, evanescent (hah) thing.
Large Sites on the Small Web
These “small web” spots hold great potential for sharing creative projects, information, and communicating outside of the walled gardens of social media. This is, in part, because it lends itself more towards longer content than the aforementioned social media carnivals of nonsense. Ironically, I hope to promote the notion of larger (in terms of content) sites on the “small web” - this isn’t Twitter; you needn’t limit yourself. Share more content!
Content, one’s message or the information one presents via the website tends to be the most important factor when putting together a site. From my perspective, (most) websites have this goal, after all. If they do a good job of that, the site has succeeded. Considerations, of course, include aesthetics (medium, I suppose), and how that will relate to the site’s message. This was, very obviously true in the Before Times. It’s equally true now, albeit less straightforward. It doesn’t matter how you create your site as long as it conveys your message.
You will no doubt notice that my larger, content-rich sites tend to (at very least) begin with a premade linkware template from another site. I typically modify these heavily (within the terms of the site, of course) in preparation for using them. I don’t yet believe I am ready to return to creating whole layouts from scratch again. While I’ve been experimenting with it, it will likely be quite a while before I’ve caught up with modern techniques enough to fully-code my own site without any outside help or reference.
Use linkware if you’d like. Use a static site generator, or any level of complexity in terms of the coding - just get your message across in a reasonably accessible (both visually and mentally) form. Obviously, this is a big task depending on your message. Some forms of web design might be suitable for some tasks more so than others. You need to wrap your medium around your message, regardless. I may not be a designer but that’s just what I believe about web-based content these days…
I Prefer Aesthetic Variety
When I say I’m in favor of aesthetics on the web, some people will likely roll their eyes in confusion. Granted, it bears some explanation for some. What’s meant by aesthetics here, and why is there a dearth of it on the current web?
Humans are greatly inspired and motivated by beauty; this is a given. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; this is also a given. Different people will be inspired by different things. The most beautiful web will therefore be one filled with the most variety.
Sadly, the web of today lacks this. Over the past twenty years, much of the color, joy, and life slowly drained from our online experience. This left us with a web full of dreary newspaper-like text (and advertisements) shoved against endless white backgrounds, with graphics added for flavor now and then. Even the most creative influencers these days typically stick to this formula, and it is quite a pity.
There’s a lot to (re?)learn for someone like me returning to HTML and such. I struggle a lot right now with responsiveness, and have tons to learn about how these languages have changed over the past decade or so. I’m learning about this through creating my (other, larger) sites, and hopefully can share bits of that here to collaborate and learn more.
I guess I’d consider myself close to being a native speaker of HTML, and studied CSS pretty extensively in my youth. While HTML isn’t too different nowadays (from what I’ve gathered), there are many new opportunities inherent in modern CSS for me to learn. 2004 was a world of difference, after all.
Beyond CSS, I particularly believe I struggle with Javascript, often having to ask for help on Discord and search Reddit. I am learning a lot from piecing apart code written by other people, too.
Perspectives and Propensities
I plan to update this section significantly, but for now... beyond what you see on this site already, my favorite in things include...
- Cannabis. Using this as an ancillary treatment for my epilepsy and chronic pain alongside my regular cocktail of medication was extremely helpful. I also enjoy it, and I genuinely believe it has powerful properties that could help people become more connective, but obviously it isn’t for everyone.
- Circle (and other colorful) contact lenses. I don’t need lenses for eyesight, having had laser eye surgery in 2015. I wear the “plano” lenses for appearances only. My favorite colors for these are typically grays and slight greens, and they do have quite a striking effect, or so I’ve been told.
- Cyberpunk aesthetics with glowing colors and screens. If you saw my workspace, you’d be quite surprised by how utterly futuristic I’ve made it look. Some people (because of my past connection to Aristasia) might assume I’d enjoy vintage and midcentury forms primarily, but that’s not true!
- Pink and twee aesthetics with hearts, flowers, and such (of course). I tend to limit this to designs on a screen, because decorating my home like that requires too much dusting. This site is a testament to my enjoyment of such things, and I intend to keep it up. If you find it childish or silly, that’s on you, and rather petty.
- Tarot, scrying, and other ways of looking into possible futures. I’ve some projects planned for that on this very site! I’m already looking into the astrological charts of various corporate entities and such that have influenced the growth of information technology. I might do some readings as well.
- Modern medicine. I dislike those who whine about “big pharma” and push “only natural cures.” There are instances where I would have died without intubation, for example, and I’m very lucky to have survived status epilepticus at one point. As awful as it is to have Nurse Megan ask you who the president is four times in one day after a coma, I’m glad she was there.
More complex, outré topics that make up part of my perspective include...
- Radical hyperfemininity. I am not sure how to explain what I mean by this. It may require its own article. Far from implying creepy "radfem" or a "TERF" mindset, I'm here just referring to enjoying that which is often seen as stereotypically feminine, without a hint (or need for) irony or subversion. And this is open to all of us! Don frills!
- Democratic socialism of a sort. It’s complicated, but I used to be DSA before I moved to Europe. No, this doesn’t mean I’m a Stalinist as a person on here did suggest. It also doesn't mean that I agree 100% with everything the (decidedly American) DSA believes - it merely means I've got an interest in democratic socialism as a hopeful path forward. I've got a particular interest in early labor movements in America itself.
- Wildlife (especially wetlands) conservation. The planet is boiling, of course, and with it, many species are at risk. It often feels like I've got a particular stake in the survival of those species. Sadly, this mostly means me sitting around depressed because there's so little I can personally do about these situations, but I participate in fundraising drives when I can.
- Spirits and spiritwork. The occult is, and has always been, extremely important to me. Over the years, perhaps the single unifying feature has been spiritwork (if not just simple divination), and I lean heavily into understanding magic, spirituality, and such via a "spirit model" as they say. Love to those friends reading this.
- God as She. I'm a monotheist, but not a Christian. I worship God as a singular feminine figure because I believe She wants me, personally, to connect with Her in this way. Other people might connect with God as He, or God as Many, God Within, who knows? I don't use the phrase "God as Mother" much because it is too associated with Déanism, and I'm not fond of that. And, well? She is so much more than simply "Mom."
My favorite (recently-consumed and influential) fictional media include...
- The Hunger Games, both the movies and the books. To be perfectly honest, I prefer the prequel novel to the original trilogy, perhaps because it has more complex characterization (In my view).
- The Boondocks. It was my absolute favorite show on Adult Swim. I got to meet Aaron McGruder once in Pittsburgh! I learned a lot of new perspectives from the show, and Huey is such a great (complex if you pay attention) protagonist.
- The X-files This series introduced me to the wider internet community via the fandom that existed for it in the late 1990s on America Online and elsewhere. My first fanfics were about Mulder and Scully, and I have happy memories of this time. I still enjoy the original episodes, pre-Doggett.
- King of the Hill. When I was about fourteen, my online friend who also loved this show was joking around with me about our awful estranged dads, who have OVIs and DV charges. We decided Hank Hill could replace them, since he’d taught us more!
- The Chronicles of Amber. A bit obscure, this Roger Zelazny series is bizarre, transcends genres, and utterly captivates. Will hopefully become a television show soon, courtesy Stephen Colbert. My husband reminds me of Corwin, but probably doesn’t heal as fast…
- His Dark Materials, both the television series and the books. I read these as a youngster. They grow with you. As a kid, you want to be Lyra. As an adult, you kinda just want to be her stepmom because her dad is such a sexy character…
Some things I abhore include...
- Qanon. Nobody really liked Qanon except for his cultists, I realize. I was on the chans for longer than usual, though. He’s especially insufferable to me, particularly the expression on his face when he refuses to take any responsibility for all he’s done. Fake wannabe Light Yagami asshole…
- The Aleister Crowley fandom, aka Thelema. I (more than) visited it in the early 2010s, and it’s a huge regret for me. Thelema, unlike smaller cult groups (like Aristasia) has great public relations, but that conceals the movement’s genuinely toxic core, which includes deeply-engrained misogyny and fascist tendencies.
- Various forms of cultural appropriation and also (literal) warlocking - though I know these are not (too) related nor synonymous. I dislike cultural appropriation for the obvious reasons that it causes harmful confusion about closed traditions. Warlocking bothers me because people ought take oaths seriously, or not take them at all.
- Ayn Rand and “objectivism” in general. I had a teacher try very, very hard to introduce me to to her “philosophy” and the joys of objectivism back in the mid-2000s. It took internet people (oddly enough) to pull me out of it after a month or so, and the rest of the class was painful.
- Ronald Reagan. Huey was right about him, okay? Huey knew what he was talking about at that garden party.
My Other Sites
Currently, I’ve got a couple of larger site projects I’m either working on or planning for the web. A few are designated here only by emoji symbol code names, though they’ve got registered domains already for the most part; cope. In the order which I started them, we have:
- The Aristasian Reminiscence Project (🔞, but not pornographic). Am I that eerie sapphic ex-cult lady on neocities? Sort of! I do have a website that covers some really (and rightfully) controversial, cult-like groups. I’m not part of Aristasia or that group/movement/cult/whatever these days (it no longer exists, too), and haven’t been for over a decade. The site itself is about the movement, not for the movement; hence the term “reminiscence” in the title.
- Redoubtful. I’ve always been interested in fiction, too, like many of us, and decided to try creating a (somewhat) interactive, text-based web series. In it, an older millennial named Avery takes up the peculiar offer of a shady group of mages, and soon finds himself in an existential crisis. He will share his successes and failures online, even seeking advice occasionally. I want to launch around late October of 2024, but you can send me a message on there if you’d like a sneak peek…
- 🐕︎. In 2017, I started writing a manuscript about a certain way of framing identity in spiritual terms. I’d been sitting with it, unsure where it ought be published, for some time. Neocities seems like an ideal environment and opportunity. I wanted to have this online by September of 2024, but got distracted...
- ❤️🔥. Spurred by the lack of solid information regarding the history of, and (often needless) controversy caused by certain (postmodern) occult practices, I created a small site archiving and posting my thoughts about them. Was launched in the summer of 2024 as a means of procrastination against working on 🐕︎, despite the topics being of similar tenor.
- 🌞. It’s a secret shrine. It will eventually be made public, I guess, but not anytime soon. A shrine to what, you ask? A better question might be to Whom?
Contacting Me
Yes, you can message me. I’m a real person. Due to my involvement with Aristasia, there’s been some question as to whether I’m real, or a persona of the sort the Aristasians were fond of adopting. The latter isn’t the case - I’m a real person, with no fabricated backstory or any kind of interesting character customization, sadly!
As noted above, Clarity Anne Mayhew is a pen name - this I freely admit, though. I’ll also cop to the fact that I don’t normally sound like this when I talk, write, or chat. Consider this a particular manifestation of me.
I guess it’s a vehicle for self-expression. I don’t trust online people easily (despite spending a lot of time here), and this helps. I’m also not plural or multiple, another thing that’s been suggested, just to let you know.
The neocities, yesterweb, and small web community has been welcoming so far, despite my struggle to trust new spaces online. I’m open to talking to new people about CSS, HTML, and Javascript, especially those who might know more than me.
I have a small Facebook account here, but it largely exists for interacting in groups. I do not use social media much aside from that, and while I do tend to have accounts on most major services under this name, I don’t typically use them unless something untoward happens. I am open to Facebook friends, though.
I’m also almost always looking for new and inviting Discord servers to join for related topics, as well. You can contact me on Discord under the name ClarityAnne, or, of course, using the contact form on this site. My email is clarity (at fabled.day, of course). so you might contact me there, too…