choosing a sobriquet

Today, I want to talk about sobriquets. That’s a funny, fancy, word for an alias, pen name, handle, or something of that sort. It’s a nice, lovely word, and quite poetic, isn’t it?

A bit pretentious (but who cares?), I decided it’d be a good word to use for this concept here, though synonyms do exist. Most people have used a sobriquet at some point. If you’re reading this, you probably either have one, or need one. In this article, I give my own opinions on online names and choosing them. You might disagree with some of it, but have a read anyways...

What’s that word mean???

sobriquet (noun, formal) ˈsəʊ.brɪ.keɪ

a name given to someone or something that is not their or its real or official name.

From the Cambridge English Dictionary, online edition.

Why use a sobriquet, anyways?

Why wouldn’t you at this point?

The internet, and even just the World Wide Web, doesn’t even pretend to be a safe place to go wandering these days. You need to take at least moderate steps to protect yourself from baddies, who might want to borrow your identity for some crimes or something worse. There’s also the possibility of attracting some kind of stalker online, an angry ex seeking you out, or other weirdness.

Another name won’t stop all flavors of online terribad, but it will confound them a bit. So, use one, which I’m here calling a sobriquet, mostly to distinguish it prettily from the single-use burner accounts I’d hope people are already using.

With that in mind, though, you need to choose one. Put some thought into it, though? People who don’t tend to make a mess of their online presence. I’ve seen it, so I’ll be discussing some of the factors that might influence your choice of a longterm online alias like this.

Names are always meaningful...

Names are always meaningful, even if you don’t want or plan for them to be. I believe this. Even if you get “Trashdong330” as a throwaway account, there’s a meaning there. Any name changes the way people perceive you. In turn, this changes the way you behave, and alters your entire experience on an online platform.

I also believe that names can be predictive, and yes, this dovetails with some of my creepy metaphysical beliefs. It’s fine if you disbelieve, and I hope this article will include thought-provoking advice anyways. Names can determine the fate of their bearer, even if the individual doesn’t know their exact meaning. For this reason, I recommend considering the meaning before choosing any kind of longterm online name. What kind of energy do you want going forward, so to speak? Factor that into choosing a sobriquet.

Venue (ie, what platform you’re using) matters! Ideally, you’ll pick a name usable across the internet. It’s undeniable that different sites are culturally dissimilar, though. A name suitable for Tumblr or neocities might not work on Facebook, both because of the sites’ different rules and because of the cultures therein. Keep that in mind, and adjust accordingly if necessary.

Don’t crib if it’s not yours.

Don’t name yourself after another person online, or anyone you know offline. That should go without saying. There’s no reason to pretend to be someone else. If you use a name that belongs to someone else, even if it’s just their sobriquet, you’re just inviting needless drama. Pick your own unique name.

Once you find a name that you like, I’d recommend checking various platforms (Reddit, Tumblr, Instagram, etc neocities…) to see if anyone is already using it. This is particularly true if the name is going to be your registered screenname and not just a byline in your sites. You can (kinda) check automagically via this weird site, but it’s not perfect.

Some folks will just say “Well, add a number at the end if it’s taken!” That doesn’t make it any less confusing if there’s two people using the same (hopefully very) unusual name online, though. If anything, it just makes it seem like you’re the same person, but got locked out of the account or something. So, try to be as unique as possible. Avoid that confusion.

And for heaven’s sake, don’t pick a name from a language you don’t speak at least passably. This includes programming languages. This includes inserting special characters that happen to look like others. Often they’re pronounced far differently than you think, and it just looks silly.

Oh, and don’t skim some kind of baby name book and go “Oooh, this means star in Nahuatl!” or something if you’ve no connection to the culture in question. Leave those to be used by people from those cultures who truly understand the language and how it works.

Lots of options, though...

You might pick an aesthetic word or two strung together as a sobriquet. This sets a tone without promising or implying too much, and that’s good because it leaves things more open for you. Jot down what kind of vibe or ambiance you want to exude online, and then some words associated with it - then go from there. You could scramble these words a bit in your head (or on paper works best), until you have a phrase (or even just one really unique word) that is meaningful, looks and sounds nice, and suits you.

I personally don’t recommend picking anything too stereotypically “shocking" as your sobriquet. Back in the day, it’s true that names like XXBloodyTearzXX (or, uhm, others I won't mention) were common, but is that really what you want going forward? As I said, names set a tone at very least, and can be predictive, if only in the online space where they’re used. If you want something that sounds a bit scarier, consider something less violent with a similar vibe. Think XxXL4stDr4G0nXxX versus anything that references pain, depression, or gore. Plus, do you really want a name that might squick people??

You could also choose a sobriquet that reflects what you’re doing online, your project, rather than telling much about yourself. A name centered around an activity is really aspirational if anything. You’re saying “I do this, and I want to keep doing this, and be known for doing this.”

Brainstorming what you want to achieve can help choose this kind of name. Just realize that it kind of locks you in with whatever you’re trying to do. True, you can switch up names later on, but that’s a bit of a chore. It’s especially true if you’ve registered accounts. I recommend keeping a aspirational names (and those focused on what you do) as broad as possible, so that they don’t become artifact titles…

I wouldn’t choose something too ambitious or presumptuous if going this route, though. Over-the-top names can work if they’re tongue-in-cheek, but usually not if they’re meant to be played straight.

In some venues, you could name yourself after a fictional character. Keep in mind that this puts a lot of preconceptions on you when you encounter people online, too. if you call yourself MrWhiteXD on Discord or something, people might expect you to be an enthusiastic fan, possibly even embodying the character. They might even assume you’re doing a bit, and start asking what Jesse’s doing lately.

No matter what, it’ll affect your behavior, too. This probably isn’t good, especially if you’re not constantly in online fandom spaces. Give your online identity room to breathe. Just something to think about. I realize folks who have unusually intense relationships to fiction exist, though! If that gives you a sense of freedom and comfort, by all means…

Perhaps you’ll pick a normal-sound “given” name of sorts. You could even pick a whole first name and last. I chose one, obviously, that includes a middle name (Anne) as well! There are generators online that can scrawl out vast versions of these, and that’s very fun to play with. Picking one would mean looking through many and perhaps searching the name meanings online.

You should also make sure that you’re not accidentally using someone else’s very unique name. It’s one thing if you pick “Carl James” as your byline, because there’s probably many of those. It’s quite another thing if you choose a name that only one other person uses. This goes back to not cribbing a name that isn’t yours, but it’s mostly about just not causing confusions when someone googles themselves…

My sobriquet…

Did I pick a normal-sounding name? Kind of. Let me explain my sobriquet, where it comes from, and why I chose it. It has some layers to it. I’m the kind of loser to wrap myself in that kind of thick shawl before venturing onto the web. Clarity is an example of a grace name; a word describing a positive quality one hopes the bearer can embody. These were common amongst the Puritans and related sects in early colonial America, but by no means exclusive to that region.

Clarity is a rather unique grace name and I’d not heard it used ever before. It certainly isn’t Puritan-aligned! I thought it was particularly fitting for someone trying to escape the tarpit of social media algorithms, though. Shortening it to Claire is nifty, too! My choice of middle name (Anne) came about because it is not a grace name, and seems to scaffold the name. I realize people say Anne is a cliché of a middle name, but frankly don’t care.

Why did I pick the surname Mayhew, though? Well, pick it apart, and you’ll likely guess. The word may is such a pretty one, and implies choice, an asking a question, and hew implies a making or creation. My sobriquet comes together to mean grant me clarity. Some people doubt that names can be predictive. I’ve seen otherwise, and I certainly hope that my current sobriquet will be…