survivor: photoshop island

I’ve told this story to several people over the past twenty years who simply do not believe me, as if something this trivially bizarre couldn’t have possibly taken place on early Web 2.0. Well, it did. I swear. This did happen. Yes, it was weird, and age-inappropriate for a sixteen-year-old, but I remember it fondly to this day, compared to some other events with the same crowd.

In the early 2000s, the teen “domain” scene had begun to burble like a wellspring of youthful creativity online. Youngsters like myself were grabbing hosting (or borrowing it from each other) and snagging their parental credit cards for domain purchases. We kept blogs, posted artwork and stories, made connections, and much more (for better or worse). As part of this, a small cottage industry of sites catering to “news” within this little niche appeared. Most were nothing more than blogs themselves “reporting” on other bloggers and recent “drama.” Some, though, made actual attempts at community-building, however poorly-executed.

Amongst these was a Photoshop contest hosted by one particular site. I won’t be naming the site, nor the contest. I will say that everyone involved likely had at least neutral if not good intentions, but the sites were still plastered with advertisements, minors (like me) participated alongside vulgar adults, and, as you’ll see, things quickly spiraled out of control.

I applied for the contest as soon as I heard about it. It, unlike many contests I’d seen, had a “Survivor” theme, based on the hit show. This one, the creators of it said, would appeal to an audience much more than others. The idea was that we’d begin completing challenges with Photoshop, and progressively be “voted off the island,” so to speak, while also interacting with each other and being entertaining for the site’s visitors in blog posts and comments.

Surprisingly, my entry was accepted. I was summarily added to the “Survivor: Photoshop Island” (as we must call it) MovableType blog and AIM chat. Keep in mind I’m quite fuzzy on the exact rules of this ridiculous game we were playing. While I’m sure they were extremely similar to that of the show “Survivor” in the first place, there were differences. We all voted on casting people “off Photoshop Island,” and the judges could make someone “immune” if they won a Photoshop challenge.

The challenges were never simple, quaint things like making a beautiful sunset. It was always something meant to be humorous, ironic, random, or otherwise funny in an early-2000s way. It was either that, or something that actively pitted us against each other. The judges actively encouraged as much “drama” between contestants as possible.

At one point, I called them on that. They took it in stride, seeing even my (public, Photoshopped) complaints as part of the show, I guess. One of them wrote a blog post telling me to “go back to <your> lesbian poetry slams already” and not tell her how to run “Survivor: Photoshop Island.” She then messaged me privately telling me to “not take that seriously.” It was incredibly surreal (by the bi, I’m not a lesbian, actually).

One challenge was to Photoshop what we imagined another contestant (assigned by the judges) would have as a campaign slogan and flyer if they ran for president, senate or something. People got harsh with that one (though nowhere near the way folks act online nowadays). Another one (which I actually won) asked us to create an advertisement for one of several things (we could pick). On the list was crack. I assumed they meant, well, the drug, but veered in my own direction and did an advertisement for those pants that plumbers sometimes wear that show their butts. I won that one, like I said, and was granted immunity.

In the midst of all this, I met a girl I’ll call Veronica. Veronica and I decided that the best way to increase our profile (so to speak) in “Survivor: Photoshop Island” was to pretend we hated each other. We pretended we had a mysterious existing grudge. We quietly dared every passerby to sort out just why we hated each other so much (we didn’t). It really captured the imagination, or so we hoped. This was the beginning of a friendship that lasted until my first year of college, and while we’ve lost touch, I hope Veronica is doing well and became a nurse just like she wanted.

I was never actually voted off Photoshop island, though, and neither was Veronica. We both dropped out rather late in the contest, and not because of any fake kayfabe “drama,” either, nor any real drama. I quit because I was scared of the SAT. I was being forced to devote more time to studying for it, including tutoring. Veronica quit towards the very end, and I believe that was because her computer, while still operational, had malfunctioned to the point of being unable to run Photoshop anymore.

I never had that issue, because I had never had Photoshop installed during any of this. I competed in “Survivor: Photoshop Island” using Paint Shop Pro, actually. Nobody noticed or cared, and I didn’t really mention it. I don’t even remember what the prize was. Oh well.